please pray for me. its going to be a long, hard week & Satan is really attacking.
I miss all of you guys.
grace & peace,
lish
I will trust
I will obey
I will follow where you lead come what may
I will die to myself and my cross I will take
I will trust you, I will trust you
I will trust and obey.
Singing this song in church yesterday brought a whole lot of conviction. Chris and i led again, it went a lot better than the first time & it was just us..me on the keyboard & vocals and him singing...very simple..anyways, it was quite an inner struggle of will during worship singing this song, because honestly, i dont know if i really am living those words, but the turmoil came because as a co-leader, i needed to sing them-to lead our congregation in meeting with the Lord..then that creates this inner circle of doubt, fear, conviction, shame of if i cant sing those words geniunely, then what am doing leading in the first place? I long to be able to have the strength and confidence to, but every step i take i feel i get weaker and weaker in my faith. no matter how much i know, theres something in my heart that chooses not to accept it in various trials and circumstance...so back to my knees i go-knowing and believing that the Lord will reveal what He needs to in His perfect timing, asking for the wisdom and strength His love provides.
grace & peace,
lish
for the 2 readers of this blog...worship on sunday went surprisingly smooth. watching our congregation meet was the Lord was a privilege for me. yes i was extremely nervous, but hearing them respond to the Lord comforted those fears. the chris and alisha band will most likely be the interim worship peeps (tour dates have not been set) until a partime non staff member replacement is found..(if we're still looking). The Lord continues to stretch me pretty thin; the amazing thing is that i think an ordinary alisha would be a little overwhelmed, but i surprised myself in staff meeting today when Marcus asked me how everything was and how i was handling the responsibilties..see sundays will now consist of a pre-service sound check, then i have to set up the nursery, make last minute adjustments for meal prep and service, teach the preschool lesson during the prayer service, the drive the tour bus to pick up church goers in 3 neighborhoods, get them to church in 30 minutes and then co-lead the congregation in worship....not to mention all the after-service duties...so back to how i am dealing with everything...how did i respond? with a "good, i'm just depending on the Lord; all this stuff is required of me, so i have to depend on His strength to get it done...theres not a choice about it". which after saying it, surprised me because Sunday at 230..i was plum exhausted...which stirs mixed emotions for me because with all the jobs and responsibilities, church tends to lean more on the work side than worship and meet with the Lord time. and this now makes me wonder about my new role in the Body. If sunday is a work day for me, then how am i to be fed?, since it will have to be done outside of the normal church service..yes the Lord continues to speak to me through the message and i do meet with the Lord while i play, but it wasnt (at least yesterday) the intimate level i've experienced in the past...and is that where my heart was yesterday or is that how its going to be? Ministry is an interesting thing. The harder i work, the more i learn they need to make a "Ministtry for Dummies" book. i dont think ive ever been in a place where almost everything i do is an experiment, a step of faith in a possible right directions and at any moment, my plans are subject to destruction and complete failure-being sure of nothing but having absolute confirmation that this is where i'm suppose to be.
pray for the afterschool program. pray for kid's church. pray for facilities. pray for Mission Brenham. pray for me-the lonely girl in Brenham who needs a friend.
as a conclusion, my blog probably isnt going to have much variety. most all my thoughts and experiences these days center around Mission Brenham. my fears and joys deal with the every day battle of living here in B-town. with time i know a development of friends and socialness will make this site a little more interesting, but for now..bear with me.
grace & peace,
lish
so, i think i've been handling the stress of having actually two jobs: executive assistant and children's minister quite well these past weeks, but apparently the Lord doesnt think so..this week i will also be leading our congregation in worship..along with Chris. when did we find out, oh this afternoon. fun times at Mission Brenham-never a dull moment...please be praying for me as i'm very nervous!
praise the Lord my job is never routine! i love going into work. i just want to take this time to share how faithful the Lord is..i mean really, how incredibly blessed are we?? take me, the past couple weeks have been pretty rough for me. dealing with loneliness, doubt, confusion on a different level that i've never experienced before, and yet no matter how many times i've complained, the Lord still encourages me. look at the people of new orleans..we have about 600 here in Brenham that have nothing, are having to relocate here, find jobs, places to live, and yet time and time again, all i hear is stories where these people are so thankful for the Lord's provision, that the community has welcomed them, that despite the fact they have nothing, they are excited to be able to move here.
my job is a blessing. while i look at what i do and realize i havent made any great initial accomplishments, the Lord has used me effectively and His name has been maximized through me-the abilities and talents HE created and put in me. i've been "networking" like crazy, researching and brainstorming..i'm creating a tutoring/afterschool program to start in the spring; and its getting really fun! for the first time in a long time, i really, truly, feel completely passionate about something specific, not just "i love kids, or i like ministering to kids, or i can see problems and try to solve them" but in the deepest parts of my tummy, i long that this program be the ultimate program for these kids in the projects..my greatest desire is that when they come through Mission Brenham's afterschool program they KNOW the Father loves them and that people in the community care about them as well as having better education. and with such a great expectation for this program, i'm only want the best..i want to target the EXACT needs for elementary kids in this community.
Today i went to the Boys and Girls Club and i saw a lot of incredible things going on-good things: caring staff, organized schedule but it lacked one important element: true purpose. The Boys and Girls Club of Washington County is doing a pretty darn good job of helping these kids, but oh the excitment it brought me to know that not only is our program going to be good, but most importantly the kids in our program are going to get to know about JESUS, our precious Creator and King! Its ulitmate purpose is to share Christ's truth and love through providing them help with schooling, education, self-esteem and confidence, to foster relationships to further the Kingdom.
Tomorra i'm meeting with the former director of the HOSTs program. and thats another cool things about this "networking". Nobody has had an ounce of uninterest. Every person i talk with and set up appts with have been excited and have devoted their full time and effort to make sure that i've gotten the information i needed; and still want to be of service in any way possibe; like the director of the Boys & Girls Club, we're virtually creating a similar program and most likely will take some of their students away eventually, but as i was leaving she encouraged me to call her if i had any more questions or needed any help with anything...
I can only thank the Lord for His provision of this job. Never in a million years could i have imagined being so excited about working full-time. While there are moments when i really long to be overseas, i realize that this is my new hand of cards..that overseas will come maybe with time, but who knows--i mean right now my plate is pretty full..or extremely full, and i think this work is gonna keep me busy for awhile, so i guess Brenham is gonna have to grow on me :) i'm sure theres a cute boy around somewhere that i'll be able to marry ;-) he just hasnt turned up yet!
in conclusion, while my tune hasnt been that happy the past couple of weeks, the Lord has really shown me that my struggles are to mature me, that being joyful in the pain and hardship is to set myself apart from the world. so with that, i say bodly: Living in Brenham, working at Mission Brenham delights me in the fullest..aka makes my heart smile!
grace & peace,
lish
so your 23rd bday isnt as lame as everyone makes it out to be...
yeah, yeah, yeah i'm getting old, but compared to someone like Abraham or Sarah, i think i can still be classified into the young category. Mom and Caley drove in for breakfast...Mom cooked cinnamon rolls..they were pretty yummy! It was great having them here to start the day...i love them a whole lot...they're my bestest friends in the whole world-i consider myself a pretty lucky girl to have such a beautiful and amazing mom & sister! breakfast was followed by work, where, when i arrived i had a nice bag of donuts & a scarf waiting on my desk from christopher.. it was classic...the morning was busy busy, chris and i have been getting ready for the missions fair at Living Hope on Saturday..its days like today when the great tasks of having 2 jobs in one body wears on me...balencing children's ministry with administrative things is tough! for lunch the guys took me to a nice italian place downtown where the serenaded me beat-box style, it was pretty funny. the afternoon flew by and then there was the dreaded youth girls transportation. its a long story but lets just say i started driving at 5pm and didnt get done until 7:25 and was quite tired and frustrated, but thankfully Marissa took me out to dinner at Chili's and we ended up scoring a virtually free meal (the waitress rang up our food on another table, so all Marissa ended up paying was the tip & drinks)...the rest of the night has been finishing up work stuff..all correspondence has to be done at my apt, because thats the only place i have internet & can email! but theres a rumor going around that all of downtown has wireless internet...the truth of that will be determined shortly...will post back with conclusions...
so overall, my 23rd bday has been good, nothing too elaborate, the family is taking me to dinner this weekend when i'm in town. the only thing really missing was a cake. i've never been a huge cake fan, but not having one, ive realized i kinda like them :)
tons of cutting & emailing to continue..the work will never end!
i love you lots! thanks for the calls, cards and emails!
grace & peace,
lish
i felt a post was necessary this evening, nothing to really update about, but for the sake of having a post, i will continue to write.
if you were to question my shirt this evening, it would probably respond with something along the lines of "yogurt should be eaten with a spoon and not a fork." i dont think she was too happy with the purple stain on her nice, cream stretchy cotton.
anyways, that all for now, maybe i'll post some more later..i've gotta clean the casa..momma & cale' are coming tomorra for the big 2 3! fun times...
grace & peace,
lish
work...
my job....
being professional..
having an occupation...
its all so foreign to me...probably cause i never do things, nor do things happen the "normal" way for me..
this whole Alisha working full-time business is quite the adventure, one because i never do the same thing any day at my job. yes i arrive at 8:30 every morning, but thats about it.
the past couple of weeks..or rather the whole month of August was spent cleaning up and organizing other peoples' messes..which got really old fast. so by the end of last week i was completely discouraged, to the point of doubting whether or not i was really suppose to be here..yeah its a lot extreme, but there are some other things that play into that questioning...
back to the job...the job is two-fold, administrative and children. which marcus, my boss, the pastor put it, eventually i'll work myself into a corner doing one and not the other..but for now its both. i dont know where the Lord is going to lead me..some days i really like the administrative side of it, but then other days, like today, planning children's afterschool programs is what i see myself doing.....who knows?
thats all for now.
i like my job.
its tough, quite frustrating at times, but
in the end, i'm glad i have it
grace & peace,
lish